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ciinx

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WON!

3 min read
WON, FEATURED, FREE SUBSCRIPTION & PHOTO PACKS

I am very happy to express the followings:

1. I won the "Strange Explanation" contest by :iconrachastock: on Dec 1st with a deviation The Immortal One by ciinx entitled The Immortal One.

2. Thanks to :iconrachabelle: Rachabelle for buying me a month's subscription in DA. Just a few days before that, my one week free birthday present subscription by DA has just expired and I was so depressed. (I dont have any means to buy any subscriptions in the net tho..no credit cards, paypal accounts, money etc..) I am still so thankful to her for giving me the opportunity to feel that one week again.

3. Many2 thanks to :iconrachabelle: Rachabelle & :icondovasary: Dovasary for featuring my deviations in their journals. I'm a beginner and dont have much devs in my gallery - sorry for that.

4. Love to :iconlegiolinde-stock: Legionlinde for the 10-15 stockphoto pack offer as a reward for my winning. I still dont have any ideas. I'll note you when the time comes.

5. A whole lotta love to my inspirations in DA; :iconcarolin123: Carolin, for being born. I just cant stop adoring your art everytime you submit something. The same goes to :icondastafiz: Stafis, who has been helpful giving me tips on improving my style.

6. Thanks to :iconyour-requiem: for her first warm & friendly welcome in DA. If it's not because of you, DA will just be another one stop web page for me. BTW, :iconbiohazard315: Joff, has shown me many wonderful art concepts in DA and taught me how to appreciate each of them. Thanks to you too. Lastly :iconalexandravbach:, I'm one of your best fans in the world.

7. Many2 ppl whom I've taken your stocks for my art...

"phew... such a long credit for such a small win...hehehe"
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Suicide Note

3 min read

Speakings from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.



All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins.



It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough.



I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know!



I have a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess.



Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.



Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!

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Devious Journal Entry by ciinx, journal

WON! by ciinx, journal

Suicide Note by ciinx, journal